


Terushima Tangent

by 40 (ForNought)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Johzenji, Love Confessions, jiri is still salty about futamata's gf from 'do you believe the situation', just hanging out, or they talk about confessions anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8641093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForNought/pseuds/40
Summary: Numajiri is trying to be the bigger person, not directly questioning how Futamata could possibly get a girlfriend, and to be the bigger person he finds the true culprit behind all of this - Terushima is the only answer to how Futamata has a girlfriend while Numajiri does not have one (despite being much better looking). Except Terushima's perceived success with girls is debunked by the man himself.





	

"I call it the Terushima Tangent!" Rintarou announced grandly in the volleyball team club room. It was the only opportunity he had to explain his theory to as many of the relevant people as possible. He had to be quick because Terushima himself could arrive at any moment from his talk with Anabara-sensei and ruin the whole thing. 

"What are you banging on about now, Jiri?" Bobata asked. His voice was not totally unkind but Rintarou could already tell that he was being cautious rather than nice.

"My theory. It is called the Terushima Tangent," Rintarou said patiently. 

Higashiyama stopped midway through pulling his shorts up and they slipped down his legs forlornly. He tilted his head and Rintarou was suddenly filled with dismay. "Jiri, what is a tangent?"

 "It’s part of my theory," Rintarou blustered. Honestly, he wasn't quite sure either but after googling cool-yet-smart sounding words last night he had settled on tangent. He scrambled to recall what he had read about it before adding, "It's like a line."

 Futamata snorted from across the room. He was ostentatiously pretending not to listen as he meticulously rolled up his tie and folded his uniform trousers.

 Higashiyama nodded, though he was frowning deeply. "Okay, thanks, Jiri. I understand."

 He quite clearly didn't, but Rintarou did not have the time to explain. 

"Anyway, we all know that Terushima is popular and he has had like a million girlfriends," Rintarou began, hoping that time constraints wouldn't have him condense his theory too much. "But how does that correlate with our success with girls?"

"That's a nice word, Jiri, are you going to tell us what that means?" Futamata asked sweetly through his T-shirt. Rintarou was not going to be goaded into explaining it because he had only the vaguest idea of how to explain it. Of course he knew what it meant - he wasn't an idiot, and neither was Futamata who was smirking right at him once his head popped through the head hole in his T-shirt.

"Bobata," Rintarou said, perhaps more aggressively than necessary, "Arguably Terushima's best friend, has had, like, half a million girlfriends. Iizaka, probably the most distant from Terushima until recently has had, like, no girlfriends."

"Thanks for that," an already dressed Iizaka groused from where he sat.

"Tsucchi, probably, like, Terushima's confidante or something, has had one girlfriend since, like, a million years."

"Jiri, how big a number is a million?" Futamata asked, raising his hand impudently.

"Higashi, whose cousin is, like, the official piercer and eyebrow waxer of Terushima, has had, like, two short-term girlfriends and one short-term boyfriend."

"My cousin doesn't wax Terushima's eyebrows, she threads them," Higashiyama interrupted. 

"I thought this theory was about the team's success with girls? Why are you suddenly mentioning boyfriends?" Bobata asked, looking genuinely confused.

"And why are you mentioning the person with the least boyfriends?" Futamata tacked on. Rintarou balked and he wasn't sure if what Futamata said was even remotely true or if it was just facetiousness meant to throw him off.

"Shut up, Futamata. You're next anyway. You're, like, a million times more annoying than anyone else on the team and you have one girlfriend." Futamata grinned happily at that and said nothing. Rintarou had purposely paused there to provide the opportunity for another interruption that he would ignore but that was the one time that nobody chose to speak. Rintarou continued, "And I have had an undisclosed amount of girlfriends though I can tell you the number is closer to Bobata's than Terushima's. And why, you might ask? Because Terushima keeps telling me I have no taste in fashion and forces me to go shopping with him. And whenever he sees a girl he tries to pick her up with variable success. Regardless of his success rate, mine is basically zero because he monopolises the conversation. I am boring, I don't care about that, but at least let the girls find that out for themselves instead of making me go and buy our food and informing me when I return that he has already told them that I am so boring that a girl once fell asleep when I confessed to her."

"I don't think so you're boring," Higashiyama piped up helpfully.

"Thanks, Higashi," Rintarou said with a tight smile. It was getting difficult to ignore Futamata and Bobata snickering as though reliving the eighth most mortifying moment of Rintarou's life. 

The girl hadn't fallen asleep, she simply had low blood sugar, but Terushima's repurposed version of events was far more popular than the truth. Luckily, Terushima was not around for the seventh most mortifying moment of Rintarou's life which occurred in the nurse's office ten minutes later when the girl, Umashita, from class seven, had come to and told Rintarou that not only was she not interested in boys, she thought that Rintarou was one of the most physically repulsive boys she'd had the misfortune to lay eyes on. Not only was Umashita exceedingly mean, she also had some pretty concerning sight problems. In hindsight, Rintarou could say he dodged a bullet but he could not pretend for the rest of eternity that he had not burst into tears at her words. Umashita had ended up consoling him for twenty minutes and offered the bed in the nurse’s office to him as she felt well enough to get up.

After Higashiyama's encouragement, it was Tsuchiyu who killed Rintarou. "What about this makes it a theory, Jiri?" Futamata and Bobata burst into loud guffaws and Tsuchiyu stared up at Rintarou steadily. When Rintarou didn't say anything, he added, "You said that there is some correlation between our success with girls, but what is the correlation?"

"Terushima?"

"But what about Terushima?" Tsuchiyu prodded. "Our heights in relation to his? How close we live to him? How friendly we are with him?"

Rintarou had only just realised that the theory he had come up with the night before might not stand up to vigorous questioning. His face was flushing with heat rapidly and no words that made any sense in the context would come out of his mouth. He looked around the club room, eyes scanning past the first years he already knew to be useless, for help but Higashiyama only stared back as gormlessly as ever and Iizaka looked markedly the same.  
Futamata was the one to approach him with arms wide.

"My dearest Jiri," Futamata said, his voice tight with constrained giggles. Rintarou tried to react to the approach but could do nothing as Futamata enveloped him in his arms and then pulled away with pity in his eyes. "Puberty is a wonderful thing."

"What?"

"I am touched that you are trying to use what you think is maturity as intelligence, but," Futamata paused dramatically for effect here and wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "But we love you _because_ you are an infant without a coherent thought in his head."

"Oi, I got higher marks than you in three of the last tests we had."

"Of course you did," Futamata nodded, his patronising tone thick enough to make Rintarou hate him forever.

Rintarou was about to tell him as much when Terushima walked in, smiling brilliantly as he looked around the club room. His smile sharpened when his gaze landed on Futamata holding Rintarou.

"It is great to see the team bonding," Terushima cooed happily.

"We're not bonding," Rintarou grumbled crossly as Iizaka asked, "Why are you so happy?"

"You mean aside from the fact my team are so wonderful and loving towards one another?" 

"Obviously," Iizaka muttered 

Terushima sighed and pinched Rintarou and Futamata's cheeks. It seemed he had squeezed Futamata's face more vigorously because Futamata protested loudly and his cheek was glowing red afterwards. The captain waltzed around the clubroom ruffling the hair of several first-years and Tsuchiyu with a foolish grin on his face. He finally settled for sagging against Bobata's side.

"I have been confessed to," Terushima sighed as though this was a rare occurrence. 

"Good for you," Bobata said blandly as he shuffled away. "How does this factor into your theory, Jiri?"

"Do you need help with your homework?" Terushima asked without missing a beat.

"Anabara-sensei confessed to you?" Higashiyama asked quietly. It sounded silly but considering most of the team had assumed Terushima to be speaking with their coach, it was the most obvious conclusion. Unlike Higashiyama, Rintarou was not a complete idiot and had refrained from asking. In doing so he avoided relentless ribbing from Futamata and the like. Apparently Higashiyama enjoyed being the subject of ridicule. 

Well, that had been Rintarou's assumption. Terushima giggled into Bobata's shoulder while Futamata frowned. "Is now really the time to be reminding us of how stupid you are, Higashi? Terushima is trying to share some wonderful news with us," Futamata chastised. He released Rintarou from his arms and smiled at Terushima. "Go on, tell us all about it." 

"Is that it?" Rintarou asked, because Higashiyama had got of lightly. He had been sure that such a question would receive a litany of insults and snide remarks. He was almost certain that would have been the case if he had been the idiot to ask the question. His own question was simply shushed away, by Tsuchiyu of all people, and he was ignored in favour of Terushima's confession. 

Terushima was confessed to quite regularly, as mentioned as part of The Terushima Tangent, so Rintarou did not see how it was a big enough deal that even Iizaka was herding the first years around sagely. Kuwashige was staring up at Terushima with rapt attention from his front row seat, sitting cross-legged on the floor. There was no way this warranted as much attention as it was getting. 

"Anabara-sensei was present at the time," Terushima admitted, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck as though that would be enough to cool his blush. He sat up straight, leaning away from Bobata with a beatific smile as though he was experiencing love for the very first time. "But he was nice enough to give us some privacy once he realised what was happening. It was Kirishima-san from class three."

Rintarou was also in class three, which was why he did not for one second believe that the Kirishima confessed to Terushima. Kirishima was of middling appearance in the best sort of way. She had that typical background character aura and was not someone instantly recognisable unless Rintarou was looking specifically for her. She had enough friends that she was almost never alone but she never seemed particularly close to any of them. Rintarou had learnt to pick her out by the unfashionable ponytail she wore at the nape of her neck. 

Once, some boys from Rintarou's class had plotted to play a horrible trick on her by putting a fake letter of confession in her shoe-locker. He had been saved the trouble of coming to Kirishima's rescue by her own pride and sensibility. He had made himself late to practice by loitering around the shoe lockers to warn her not to fall for it and she had fixed him with a withering look and said, "I am not a complete idiot, Numajiri-kun. I have better things to do than play as some cruel entertainment for you and your friends."

Rintarou had obviously argued that she was an idiot because the perpetrators were not, in fact, his friends. She had already exited the school by that point so she probably hadn't heard anything beyond Rintarou calling her an idiot. He hadn't meant it in a mean way, he simply didn't want to take the blame. But it was too bad because the blame had been thrust upon him. And Kirishima knew who Rintarou's friends were, the other people who were unknowingly shouldering the blame for the prank, and she knew that one of Rintarou's friends was Terushima. So there was no way Kirishima had confessed to Terushima.

"Ooh!" Said Hori, one of the first years. He was shushed and violently elbowed by Kuwashige, but insisted on adding to the commentary. "Is Kirishima-san pretty?"

"Of course," Terushima nodded sagely. "But there are no girls who are not pretty."

This seemed to impress the first years to no end and Rintarou wondered when they had agreed to take on roles as background idiots. Rintarou, Higashiyama and Iizaka were probably at risk of losing their roles because the first years were much more committed to fluffing Terushima's ego with moronic sound effects. Terushima must have been paying them, Rintarou decided. He looked over to Iizaka to whisper as much to him but Iizaka was already frowning and shaking his head. 

Terushima, the wisest and most wonderful of the team members nodded at the boys staring up at him. "All confessions are precious and should be accepted or rejected with the fact that the intentions behind the words are pure."

"Did you accept the confession?" Iizaka asked. He hadn't looked at all interested in Terushima's totally fake story so Rintarou wondered whether he was just being polite. Or perhaps he was keen to hold on to his role as one of Terushima's anonymous idiot friends.

"Of course," Terushima said, blushing innocently. And then he added, "I love her," at which Rintarou could not keep his mouth shut.

"How exactly did Kirishima-san confess to you?" Rintarou asked, hoping his tone was neutral and not at all accusing. Terushima could not dodge the question because the first years' eyes were shining with intrigue and even Tsuchiyu and Bobata looked like they wanted to know.

Terushima cleared his throat and didn't seem to be put out by the question. "She asked to speak with me about something private. Anabara-sensei dismissed us and Kirishima-san took me to the third year corridor."

"That sounds sweet. The location must have been symbolic of how she hoped your relationship would be strong throughout our third year and beyond," Futamata speculated, clearly after a role of a background idiot. The others vying for the role nodded in agreement.

"But what did she say, Terushima?"

"Well she told me that she knew who I was, as the captain of the men's volleyball team and she introduced herself to me. She said she wouldn't let the likes of me hurt her and I promised I wouldn't do it anyway. You can't build a relationship on distrust and fear," Terushima said with a wise nod to the first years. They were lapping it up as they nodded back and had the gall to look as though they were impressed - which they could not possibly have been. 

"And then what?" Rintarou pressed because nobody else seemed to think there was anything odd about the anecdote.

"She told me she had to go home quickly because she had some errands to run," Terushima said quickly. "We didn't get a chance to hug or anything because I didn't want to make her late, but I can't wait to see Kirishima-san tomorrow."

And that was apparently the whole story and Rintarou had no clue how anybody would mistake that series of events for a confession. Rintarou knew that he was right all along. Kirishima probably hated the entire men’s volleyball team - even though she was wrong in her reasons for probably hating them - so confessing to liking any of the members of the team was improbable at best or an outright delusional lie, realistically.  

"Is that it?" Rintarou asked, because he had to be sure about this.

"Of course," Terushima said. "What else were you expecting?"

"An actual confession."

"Weren't you listening to me? She confessed!" Terushima insisted. 

Rintarou could hardly believe that his captain believed what he was saying, but he was not exhibiting any of the usual tells that would suggest he was pulling someone's leg. There were no unnecessary eyebrow raises, nor dimpling smile that couldn't be contained behind his mask of lies. He was saved from ineloquently protesting by Iizaka. 

"Terushima that sounds nothing like a confession."

"What would you know? When has anyone ever confessed to you?" Terushima retorted petulantly. Iizaka sighed like he had expected a response like that. 

"Are you telling us, as the expert, that all of your confessions are like that?" Iizaka asked. Rintarou was mostly impressed that he hadn't risen to the bait that had been tossed to him. He was also glad that he was not the only one who saw the glaring error in Terushima's logic. The worst part about the situation was the apparent authenticity to their captain's thoughts.

"Each confession is unique and precious," Terushima said cryptically. 

"Are me and Iizaka the only ones who can see what is happening here?" Rintarou asked the rest of the team. 

"Of course not," Bobata said with a comfortable smile, like none of this affected him in any way. "Terushima is delusional and your theory means nothing at this point." He pushed Terushima more decidedly away from his side and stood up and stretched his arms into the air. "We haven't had a practice this good in a while."

"We haven't even started practice yet," Tsuchiyu pointed out. 

Bobata only shrugged and there was a knock at the door as if on cue. Nobody said anything and the door opened slowly as a feeble voice called out, "Sorry for the intrusion. It is only me. Kuribayashi, the manager." 

"We know who you are," Futamata said, his expression brightening at Kuribayashi's interruption after he had lost interest in Terushima's extensive deceit.

Kuribayashi took that as her invitation and stepped into the clubroom. She stopped in the doorway and glanced around at everyone, her eyes scanning over the circle that had gathered around a still fully dressed Terushima.

"Why isn't everyone ready for practice?" She asked. The question itself was innocuous, especially coming from a person as harmless as Kuribayashi, but the first years visibly bristled and even Rintarou felt the prickle of his hairs standing on end. 

Terushima, the one furthest from being ready stilled before whirring into action; he yanked at the knot of his tie and fumbled with the button of his shirt all before bothering to remove his blazer. Everyone else was more or less ready and the most that had to be done was Higashiyama having to swap his left shoe with Kuwashige for some incomprehensible reason. To have mistakenly put on the shoes of someone seated on the other side of the room was a feat that was beyond Rintarou, but he didn't dilly dally while contemplating it. 

He ran past Kuribayashi with a bright smile and managed to be the fourth person in the sports hall for practice.

The fifth person into the sports hall was Bobata who looked like all his birthdays had come at once. He grinned at Rintarou and patted him on the back. “Terushima isn’t going to live this down.”

“Bobata, has Terushima always been like this?” Rintarou asked because having some frame of reference to how obliviously stupid their captain was would be beneficial at some point.

Bobata’s cheeks dimpled with glee as he kept patting Rintarou on the back, harder than was strictly necessary. “Of course he has.”


End file.
